I Have A Broken Heart. Again.

Yes. I always have a broken hearted. So my heart now is sure like pieces. I don't know what is the best thing I should do in order to make things right. Am I always the one who make things worst? Am I? I am so afraid that if that is true because you know, I never knew that those things - those bad things that happened were all my fault. I did blame myself. But I was so confused back then when everyone used to point their finger at me. I don't know what should I do. Really.

Someone just said to me that he will always be there for me, when I am in any problem. But the problem is that, he is always the one that bring the problem to me. My hurt hearts again and again and again and again. Should I really stay for this one? Should I really have to care about his feeling? It's sick when you know that you can't hardly blame someone that you love. Do I love him?

I prefer not to answer. What I know is that - he hurts me so bad I cannot bear. No, I won't cry. Anymore. I want to be tough because I am though. I just want to cry from the inside because nobody will know. Nobody will hear. No one but Allah. So the less I could do is just crying from the inside. And the more, the rest, I'm putting the hope to Allah. All of them.

Anyway, sorry dear for hurting you so much. Maybe because I love you. And because I am not. I don't know. And now I doubt you. No. Not only now. I always doubt you. That is why it's hard for me to say I Love You to you. I won't ever blame you. Because it is not your fault I doubted you. It's my fault to let myself doubted you. And it doesn't matter, right?

I think it's okay if you wish to go now. It's okay if you want to back me off. It's okay if we spread now. Yes. We are spreading, as you wish. And remember! Don't say sorry. You don't have to say sorry to me. Because it hurts. It will hurts my heart more and more.

If you choose to end like this, there you go. Take it and love it. I won't deny. I love you so much that it turns to hate.

'itisrajah'